My physical move to Charlotte this weekend was very challenging; actually, it was brutal! It’s amazing how much one collects in a short period of time, and I proudly call myself a “minimalist”—a person who intentionally keeps one’s possessions to a minimal! I just thank the Lord that it’s over for the most part. However, this feat did not come without deep, spiritual thoughts that ultimately lead to the writing of this blog.

“What kinda men are they?”—I thought repeatedly as I struggled to carry box after box up those 19 steps. You see I was moving into my new second floor luxury apartment, and right across from me sat two brothers who appeared to be comfortably enjoying themselves on their shaded balcony. “Pie in the sky thinker” that I am, I thought for sure they were going to yell over, “hey, sista, you need some help?” So sure this would be the verbiage coming from their cool lips sippin on their cool drinks, I began to rehearse my most “damsel in distress” response—”I would love it!” “Sure!” “If you don’t mind!”

Well, that was a waste of mental energy! Those brothers actually had the audacity to sit on that balcony and watch me struggle to climb 2019 steps in 90 degree heat carrying 10-20 pound boxes! “What kinda men are they?”—what kind of men would commit such an atrocity against women? What statement were they trying to send me; me and perhaps other women; perhaps other black women? Well, I’m not sure! But, I am sure of the statement I want to send them and every other man—”women deserve better than that!”

We deserve to be shown chivalry at appropriate times, and without an agenda! We need to know that there are real gentlemen who do not only demonstrate this characteristic when on some quest for fine dining, but who demonstrates it when we least expect it, and when we most need it…when it’s inconvenient; when no one else will notice; when the only reward is a sincere “thank you” from a most appreciative female, and a nod from your Father in heaven.

This is what women need! And yes, we will return the appreciation at appropriate times. It may only be the sincere thank you at this moment. But at some other time, it may be our standing up and beside you during a moment of injustice; it may be our reaffirming your worth to your children in the absence of your presence; it may be our affirming your manhood as we lay gently beside you. You see, it goes both ways, and somebody’s gotta be the leader.

We need men who will be the leaders God has instructed them to be; leaders who will set a tone of mutual respect, support and concern. It is through a society that exudes this tone that men and women will began to develop relationships that exude mutual respect, support and concern. “What kinda men are you?”

One day in high school, I watched as my three best friends went back and forth over one of those “he said, she said� drama scenes. I had no idea what they were talking about, but apparently one of them had told another one of them something the third one said and they were now in squabble over who said what…when…where…and how! It was so ridiculous, I remember saying to myself, “I’m not going to tell either one of them any of my business!� I believe this was the day, I decided Janice don’t do drama!

There are many people who love to do drama! You meet them every day. They come at you wanting to share the latest gossip tip. They come at you wanting to borrow two dollars to get some gas! How far can you get on two dollars worth of gas! They want to borrow your clothes…they always have some chaotic event going on and they NEED your help! These people love drama.

There are also some of the more serious cases. They are strung out on drugs and need to borrow money for the next fix. They are having some crisis with the latest no good boyfriend who ain’t goin no where! They have failed another test because instead of studying, they spent their time doing stupid stuff they should not have been doing. I’m sure by now, you get my drift. Ladies, decide now while you are young that you don’t do drama!

Now, let me tell you how you can maintain this attitude through the rest of your life. First, keep your legs closed! Respect yourself enough to demand that he respect you enough to wait until he puts that ring on your finger at your wedding. The cost these days for sexual immorality are too high…one you can not afford to pay. Today, teenagers are paying for this one with their lives! Don’t let yourself get caught up in the drama of teen pregnancy, HIV/Aids, herpes, etc.

Secondly, learn to love knowledge and learn how to study! Just saying stay in school to me, is not enough. As one who has taught college students, I have seen many people staying in school who need to get out of school and get a JOB because they are not learning anything because they are not studying! They want grades handed to them. Educators do not give you grades, you EARN grades. Learn to want to experience the satisfaction of knowing that you earned that A! When you approach your education in this manner, you will become a life-long learner which will help you keep drama where it belongs…away from you!

Lastly, you be comfortable with who you are! Society has always tried to dictate who…what…and how women should be. Maybe you have heard it put this way, “you suppose to… You fill in the blank. Nothing gets me mad faster than some person trying to tell me I am supposed to be doing something. You know what I tell them, “says who?� That’s drama to me! Think now while you are young about how you want your life to look over the next 20 years. Dream about what you want to do and be…and dream big! You can be anything you want to be.

If you don’t want your life to be a strawberry letter read on the Steve Harvey morning show, or a scenario on Jerry Springer, remember to keep your legs closed, learn to love knowledge and learn how to study, and be comfortable with who you are. Lastly, make it clear to yourself first then to all of your friends that you don’t do drama!